you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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