Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
