i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
