the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
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so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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