i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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