Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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