what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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