return my video game
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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