JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Girls should come with a carfax report
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
