Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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