Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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