This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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