Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
