since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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