He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
