I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
