jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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