so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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