Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
