you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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