and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
