We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
