He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
