ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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