Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
