no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
