sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
