No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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