We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
