That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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