I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
