I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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