i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
