i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
