yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
