She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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