Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
