i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize