we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
