We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
