Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
