four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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