remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
