remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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