Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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