I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize