I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
