And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
