don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
