Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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