Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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