I just pynch a tree in the face
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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