just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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