Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
