I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
