wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize