I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize