He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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