Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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